Reflections

I had a very drama filled somewhat stressful weekend. At times it brought me to tears, literally.
Now that I have had time to reflect on it and try to find the life lessons that were forcing themselves to be shown to me, one thing seems to be screaming out to me. Now is the time to let go of things that are dragging me down and embrace the things that are lifting me up. This includes people and things even if in the past I have felt an attachment towards these particular things or people.

The main situation that occurred yesterday made me question many things. It made me think that all of my time and effort spent with meditation had all been flushed down the toilet. However, now I realize that quite the opposite is true, all that time and effort spent with meditation is exactly what helped me to get through everything. If it would not have been for the overall sense of peace and tranquility that I have been experiencing the situation would have been much worse. No matter how much I was being attacked I was able to remain calm and focused and not lose my cool.

I am ready to embrace whatever the universe has in store for me, it is full of infinite possibilities.

Energy

It seems that so many out there are going through such difficult times. For some it is becoming more difficult to see the good and positive.

I have found that I spend more time now trying to help others see the good things in life. There will always be struggles, it is part of human existence. It is what we do with those struggles that really shape us and those around us.

The emotions and energies that surround struggle are powerful. If they are focused towards something positive they can work miracles. I find that it is helpful to take a moment and breathe, reflect on the situation and you will know where the energy would be best focused.

Take time every day and spend quality time with your children or your loved ones. Be there for those that may need you. The more you try and be positive for others the easier it will be for you to see the good in your own life.

Trust your intuition. First, you must acknowledge that it is there. Listen to your heart it will not lead you astray. Each day as you wake take a minute and fill your being with love for all and it will be a good day.

Sensitive Flowers

I found out yesterday that my 6 year old child has a boyfriend. She said that he was her boyfriend only he did not know it. After a little chuckle I asked her why did she think he was her boyfriend, she said because she did not like it when he was sick. He was not feeling well at school that day and she said she did not like it and she wanted him to feel better. Even though at first I was a bit shocked at her talk of a boyfriend after hearing her explain it, I could not help but think is was a very sweet gesture.

This is the same child that has been going through some difficult transitions lately so I was glad to see her seem happy about something. Anyone who thinks that young children do not understand 'adult' situations is very wrong. They understand way more than we give them credit for most of the time. My 4 year old senses all sorts of things no matter how we try to not let our feelings show.

We must take the time to really listen to our children as well as take the time to talk to them about anything that they would like to share with us. The world around them is a complicated place and is difficult for me to understand so I can only imagine how hard it must be on the children. They absorb everything around them and they need to have a way to get it all out. As they get older you must be careful not to seem to judgmental, at least in my experience with my teen. If they feel that you are going to judge them they are not going to speak.

I was not planning on posting anything about children, but I sat down to start typing and it just happened. I do want to say that I am not trying to tell anyone how to parent their children as each child and each family is different. Just listen to your children as well as to yourself, your heart will always lead you in the right direction.

Truth

Today was a day that I felt quite alone. I know that I am not alone, I know that there are many people there for me, but still I felt alone.

At first I looked upon this with  depressing attitude. After further reflection I realized that sometimes we need to feel this aloneness. Once we move past the sadness we can see things for what they really are, we begin to see all the people that we do have in our lives. We may even realize that there are some there that we did not realize.

I spent most of the day with a very sad outlook, but then it dawned on me...my life is still pretty good.
Sure thre are difficulties...
finances
husband ALWAYS working just to make ends meet
beautiful children to take care of (both blessing and at times cause of some stress)
teenage son (oh so many worries there, but also a blessing)
very ill parents
friends going through rough times
and many more

but, so much to be thankful for...
beautiful girls
wonderful son
hard working and loving husband
friends who I know deep down are always there for me
parents who even though we have had and still have some difficulties do not judge too much
parents who have always been there for me even when I did not make the choices they had originally
              wanted for me
a roof over my head
clean water to drink
food on the table
and soooo much more...

Life is pretty good even when it seems it is at its worst. There is much room for improvement, but we have to work with what we have, and right now this is my life.

We have to take what we are given and make it work...what other choice is there.

Focus on the good things.

Breathe,

Meditate, meditate, meditate.

Breathe.

Love and Light

Transformations

I have found myself wondering why am I now experiencing things in the way that I am. I have found it easier to see the reasons behind things, even difficult things. I have found myself more easily slipping into a meditative state, I have felt deeper connections to people than I have ever felt before. I have felt an overwhelming urge to do what I can to help others and make this world a better place.

I believe that I have always felt this way but it was buried. It seems to have been set free and there is no holding back now. Maybe it is a combination of so many life/karmic lessons being learned in such a short amount of time, or maybe it was simply my time. It could be as simple as I was ready to accept it. Many times in life we find ourselves closed off in a way, and it is not until we are open to acceptance that we could receive it.

I am finally in a place in life that even when bad things happen I can step away and realize that there is something to take away from it, a lesson to be learned. This is not always an easy place to be. There have been many times that I would be accepting of some particular situation that had fallen upon our family but say for instance my husband was not, he would tend to get angry. He could not understand why I was not upset and something about it would make him upset. He is learning to adjust and I hope that he is becoming more accepting as well.

It seems that this is a time of great transformation for many of us, possibly for all if we are willing and open. How could you go wrong with trying to see the positive in things? What harm could it do? There are many lessons to be learned in our lives and our time on this planet, if they are not learned then they will repeat. If we want to find true happiness then we must be willing to examine our lives and see everything as an opportunity for growth.

We are all capable of healing ourselves as well as healing others, we just have to be open and willing to accept others. Once we allow our selves to be open to receive the universe will guide us to what we need to heal and to begin to heal others as well.

I will close with a phrase that I have found myself drawn to lately...
Love and Light

LOVE

The most important thing we can do while occupy space on this planet is LOVE. We must share this love with everyone even when it seems difficult, especially when it seems difficult. When life seems to be throwing stones at you, take time to do something loving for someone else. It will not only take your mind off of the difficulties you are facing but it will raise your vibration.

We all have difficulties to overcome and at times they can seem overwhelming, that is the precise moment that we can take control of our own lives. When it seems that things cannot get any worse take time and focus positive energy on someone else. Even the smallest of things can mean a great deal to another. Never feel as if you cannot make a difference, you are the only one who can make a difference. We are all individuals but we are all connected as one. When one of us makes the choiceto do something positive it sends out a vibration that is felt by all others and for that brief moment all is well. The more of us who make this choice the more moment of peace we can all experience.

Take time each day to let those close to you know that you care and that you are there for them. When they are struggling, let them know that you are there with them in their struggles, and you will tale on the responsibility of doing something no matter how small to help increase the positive energy and vibration all around so that they may feel peace.

Let us all take a moment to feel the warmth and beauty of the Light that is everywhere and embrace it...

Thankful

Before you continue reading I want to let you know that this may not be the most positive of posts. I am normally a very positive person, but everything is beginning to take its toll. I will try not to get to depressing.

All day I have just felt alone. I am not sure why, I know I have many people there for me, but today it just did not seem that way. My husband is ALWAYS at work. He is working two jobs and still not making the same amount of money that he was before. I am not one to care to much about money but we must have enough to live off of, and at times I am not sure that there is enough.

I love my children, but sometimes I would really like to have some time to myself. I have absolutely no time for myself, and with the hubs working all the time I sometimes feel like a single mom. It would probably not be so bad if there were not so much going on all at once.

As I am writing this I am realizing that I would not want to read it so I am going to switch gears.

My brain is not functioning the way it used to, it is as if it is on overload. I am having great difficulty focusing and dealing with everyday things.

There are moments of peace, almost daily. I cherish those moments. My youngest will just do something that is so sweet that it almost brings a tear to my eye, or her sister can read me a short story and is so proud of herself, those are the things that get me through my day. My oldest son, he seems like an adult already, I feel so proud.

I am glad that I started writing this because it led me in a good direction, it helped me to remember the good things that I have.

It is all about where to put your focus, it is a choice. Anyone could see their life as sad, in much the same way anyone can see their life as great. It is a simple matter of choice.

I choose great.

I have 3 wonderful children.

I have a gret husband who is willing to work as much as he has to in order to provide for his family.

I have the greatest friends in the whole world, I know that they are there for me even though I do not always take advantage of their offer.

There are so many things to be thankful for, take time each day to remember.

Love to all...

Life

Many ups and downs around here.

Mom still in hospital not doing as well as the docs would like.

Little one is quite stressed...she is so sensitive to others emotions and feelings...this whole thing with my mom is taking its toll on her.

Finances...ughhhhhhhh

Electric almost shut off today...just made payment before lights out...whew

I am once again not doing so well at keeping in touch with people as I should...

Which is probably why I am feeling so blah...or at least it is not helping matters...

Tomorrow is a new day...

It will be a good one!!!!!!!

Dreams and Spirits

About a month ago I had a dream of an Indian (Native American) woman. This was so much more than a dream I felt as if I was in another place and that I was awake. She was a bit shorter than I am, she had long dark hair, beautiful big brown eyes and such a peaceful look about her. I will never forget her peacefulness. She told me that she was here to help me through my hardships and that she knew that life was a bit dificult now but trust that it would get better.

When I woke the next morning I knew who the woman was, she was a relative of mine, several generations back. I have always been told growing up that I reminded my other family members of this woman, I was told stories of her, but I never knew what she looked like. I have no doubt that it was her, and since that night I have felt her presence, she is with me.

As I was driving to the hospital for my mother's surgery I felt as if I had her with me, and it brought a sense of calm. I needed that sense of calm because for the earlier part of the day I had been feeling very uneasy, then out of nowhere...calm.

I had always wished as I was growing up that I would have been able to meet this wonderful woman that I had heard a few stories about, that I reminded everyone of, and now many years later I have.

We all have others there to help us, we just have to be willing to accept them. There are some that are here on this earth and some that are not, but they are here for us. Once we allow ourselves to receive them they will guide us along the right path.

Love and Light to All

Life Struggles

I have been neglecting writing here. I am not sure why, I have been busy but I do not think that is the reason. I think it is because I have been dealing with life issues and avoiding some others. If I take the time to write about them then they must be dealt with, and even though that is what should be done it is not always what I want.

My mom is having yet another surgery. She has breast and bone cancer, and it is pretty bad. They are replacing a hip (she had the other replaced a while back after it had already broken) they are hoping to replace this one to prevent another break. She has had several preventative surgeries. My dad seems very concerned about this one for some reason, I also seem to be a little more on edge about it.

We have been battling cancer for about two years now and it is exhausting on everyone. My dad also had lung cancer, which thankfully they removed and he has been doing good. He also is battling skin cancer. On top of that he is taking care of my mother, I help when I can but I know that it is not nearly enough.

Today feels very surreal, I am not sure why that is. Our finances are getting worse by the day, I think the girls can sense that things are not good. We try to keep things the same as they always were, but it is hard. Sometimes things slip, my dear youngest is so sensitive to the feelings of others, it is impossible to get anything past her.

I normally do not stress over financial matters as it is useless, but last night I seemed very upset. We are both doing everything that we can but it is so hard, we do not spend near enough time together and then there are so many other stress inducing things happening.

I know we are not given more than we can handle, but at times it seems to come into question.

Sorry for the rant, although I must say there will probably be more in the future. I really wanted to get things off of my chest before I go to the hospital, I do not want to bring any bad energy with me.

Sisterhood

Here lately I have felt a sort of disconnect, and I did not know why. This morning I went to a muffins with mom event for my oldest daughter and of course I took the little sis as well as two lovelies that I am babysitting, and something clicked.

I have not been spending as much time with the women in my life. I know there are many timed that life gets crazy and it seems like there is never enough time to get everything accomplished, but it is important to make time for yourself. About a week ago I was feeling great, and now I attribute that to me making time to at least have a conversation with some other female in my life.

The bonds that women share together are vital for one's sanity (at least for my own). There was a period in my life when I had some serious problems with other women, due to an incident that I was sure would scar me for life. During that time I was quite depressed but I simply did not trust anyone that was female and told myself that I could live without much female presence in my life. Then I met a great friend and she helped me begin to see that just because you were hurt once it does not mean that you should lose hope. That one friend led to more and soon I was really feeling happy again.

Fate stepped in and long distance moves were made, and we sort of lost touch. Once again I began to feel down. Not long ago I came in contact with some of my dearest friends from my past and I could feel that things were turning around. This just so happened to be a time in my life that it seemed that everything else around me was crumbling. Despite all of this I could see the light. I have never been one to have a lot of close friends, usually just a few but those few are like sisters to me.

One friend in particular seemed to show up with perfect timing and has become a very important person in my life, we truly are sisters. This past week things have been so busy that I did not make the time to keep in touch so well, as a result I have felt as if something was missing, I have felt disconnected.

As I am running around this morning it occurred to me that maybe what I really need in life is this closeness that can only be filled by my closest and dearest female friends, my sisters.

It seems that our culture has lost the value of close female bonds. Our lives are so busy and over scheduled that we just do not feel as tough we have the time. We must make the time even if it is only a phone conversation, although a nice talk in person is much better, any conversation could prove helpful.

Life is short and the only other people who can truly understand are the other women in our lives. We should make an attempt to rekindle the idea of 'the red tent' sort of thinking. We should hold our relationships with our closest friends, our sisters, on a throne. They should be cherished. We should never waste our time judging others, there is something to be learned from every situation and every relationship.

Life

This post will probably be quite random. I am using this as a venting space so I understand if you do not want to read any further.

People really amaze me, today it seemed that everyone I encountered was in an incredibly selfish mood. At first I thought that maybe a few people were just having one of those days, but as the day went on it seemed it was everyone even some people that I thought I knew rather well. I do not want to go into details as that would not be fair to the people I am referring to, nor would it be productive, I just felt the need to get it off my chest.

All of this negativity surrounding me is once again taking its toll, it is really bringing me down. I hope that I will be able to meditate and get rid of all of these negative thoughts.

I hope to learn from my experiences of the day and I am sure I will after reflection, but right now I am still feeling frustration.

Sorry for the rant and rave, but sometimes it is necessary.